Monday, December 26, 2011

Waiting Game!

As a kid growing up, for a large part I used public transport to travel back and forth. Had a lot of other kids for company, made a lot of friends, used to be a riot ride every day; but there was one problem – the wait. Sadly, the proverbial “no bus for hours, then two in a row” isn’t something that just London can boast of – surely my laid back, then-home-of-the-nawabs-and-now-mine can stake as much claim to it. Anyways, so the point was that often I ended up waiting at the bus stop, for quarter of an hour, half hour, three quarters and sometimes longer – never ending! And there began my deep dislike for waiting for something and it continues to this day. There are things I enjoy less and some even lesser, but of most things ‘waiting’ has to be one of the least.

I thought of myself for most part an impulsive and impatient kid, and thought may be waiting wasn’t something that I was meant to – it wasn’t in my scheme of things. But then I realized that there were in fact some scenarios I did wait, I could wait. It was then I realized that it wasn’t the wait but uncertainty that bothered me. Every day after school, my wait could be anywhere between five minutes to well over an hour… I realized it was the underlying uncertainty that was the bane of my existence.

And as days went on, I realized that many times in my life, I bore uncertainty myself! I enjoyed a few unknown, surprises made me happy and challenging the unknown horizon wasn’t that bad after all. So I crossed out ‘waiting’ I crossed out ‘uncertainty’ and I was staring back at nothingness again! So why was it that I found it so difficult to wait for the bus?

The answer lay in a line that goes “every time I want to give up, I end up thinking about every moment I’ve held on for” … and then the fog clears up. Yes of course! I wait for five minutes… the moment I think of giving up, I realize I’m five minutes into it guess another five couldn’t be bad. Another five, another quarter, another half… every hour put into wait, it seemed to pull me further away from the desire to pull out of it. In case of a bus, I put a very small part of me into the wait, in case of other things much significant or all of me into it.

Some say that certain things are worth their weight in gold! And how easily it could be that some things are worth their wait in gold!! Sounds so similar, doesn’t it! But I’m not hoping, or was ever hoping to strike gold! The wait, is difficult because I don’t know how to, when to! It’s a struggle – logic suggesting that anytime is a good time – the longer the unsuccessful wait the greater the clamor to pull out, but then there is a heart that doesn’t quite know the same. It waits and waits and waits… hoping it doesn’t wilt or wither!

Like with love-making, you dont wanna pull out too soon - whats the fun; or too late - opps! And the fact that, if you keep thinking, you are less likely to enjoy it! And you can stop thinking only when you know its surely what you want to be doing!

I’m with my heart – because quite often I end up in a wait – sometimes by design, sometimes by accident… and that’s why I guess I don’t enjoy it as much! Its often a tussle, it is always a question that I don’t have answer to… its always a catch-22, always devil and the deep sea…

Always lonely and unsettling…

Thursday, December 22, 2011


Touches the world,
Yet feels so mine!
Of the simple joys in life,
Surely one is feeling the sunshine!!
It could scorch the earth,
At its peak and height!
Yet on a winter morn,
Nothing like some sunlight!!
To our ordinary lives,
Springing a new surprise!
His gift each day,
Is a bright new sunrise!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Sometimes in vein so light
Sometimes in a bitter fight
Sometimes by the roadside
Sometimes in just my inside
Sometimes I’d shout
Sometimes I’d sit stout
Sometimes moody
At times touch broody
At all times I’m loving you!!

Sometimes there’s no measure
Never a bigger treasure
Sometimes on the highway
Even when I want it my way
Sometimes I yell
Cried when I fell
Sometimes desperate
At times desolate
At all times I’m loving you!!

Times when I say it out
Sometimes that I don’t
Sometimes in my cry
Till the moment I die
Sometimes in a whisper
Sometimes may be crisper
Sometimes I moan
Times I’m on phone
At all times I’m loving you!!

At the hour when it rains
Even when it pains
Sometimes in my sleep
Always from my heart’s deep
Sometimes in sun
Times when we have fun
Sometimes calm
Always as I am
Always I’m loving you!!

And it all began, where it started!!

Long time ago, there were those who believed that the earth was flat… that if you travelled long enough in a straight line, you would sure reach the precipice from where a drop would take you down the great unknown. And then it was discovered that actually the earth wasn’t quite a table-top it was in fact a sphere, so if you started from point A, and travelled endlessly in the same direction you would actually end up at the very same spot. Now for the philosophically inclined it would mean that you would have had all the experience of having travelled the world, but from a Physicist’ point of view all your work would equal zero. Work = Force*Distance, and having reached the same spot you would have essentially made zero progress and therefore all your force (or energy spent) wouldn’t count for much.

Sure, it would appear a very cynical approach! But actually, there is some merit to delve deeper along this line. For instance, I would think we usually have a journey from Point A to Point B, so if I were to end up at Point A, having started at the very same place, it could be because

- I didn’t know where I was going
- I didn’t know wherever I ended up
- I didn’t know from where I started

In the first case it is quite possible that when you begin you don’t quite know where you’re going or want to go – could be for a variety of reasons, the most obvious one being that you’re looking out into the unknown and uncertain, so being a lil unsure cant be so much of a sin. And if that uncertainty stays long enough, you end up where you started and you cant be peeved about it. After all, you didn’t have anything in mind so you cant quite complain about what you get.

Also, there could be some who wouldn’t give much of a thought where they end up, for them it could be all about the experience, about the journey, by choice or otherwise they could give it a philosophical fillip to their ignorance and ineptitude and none would really give it a canter.

Guess it’s the final category that appears to have lost out most. For one, they had a goal, and two did work towards it and yet to have the efforts nullified is sure a hard pill to swallow. And this is where the ‘earth is round’ principle comes in, it shows that every goal is relative and nothing is this world is an absolute value. For you to know and very well achieve your end goal, it is just as important to know where you stand as it is to know where you are headed. You could be making every effort for progress but having no understanding of your standing you will end up coming back to the same place.

Then there are other connotations to think about, it could be that you goals are alright, but you are starting at the wrong place. It could be that you don’t see where you started and when you come back to that place, you are in just a dilemma of having made progress, your actual movement is nil.

Or it could be that you do not know how much, how far and how long you need to go before you reach your destination. You may be blindly surging forward, there is effort but without a vision! To know where you stand is often half the battle, if you see a sprinter before a race he will never start off looking at the finishing line, he will first set his feet firm at the starting point. When the race begins, you don’t want to be faltering – know where you stand and stand firm on your feet!

Finally, given that the earth is round any direction is a relative direction. You head far enough on the left and you’ll end up on the right. And that’s why the three wise men followed the star that led them to the Messiah; and some other wise men said, “Aim for the stars and you’ll at least end up in the clouds” … for they understood that true progress is neither left or right, it is actually upward. Upward to being something greater than yourself!

Now don’t point out gravity to me, we’ll save that for another discussion :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Time Coagulated!

Meandering and wandering
What a day it’s been!
Though I knew they existed
Never quite had actually seen!!
The roads seemingly endless
Yet my feet felt unknown!
Place that I knew so well
So much felt alone!!
The sun that shone
So majestic and bright!
Did little to dispel
My anxiety and fright!!
And then there were faces
A mighty multitude!
And yet for its worth
Nothing matched my solitude!!
Time coagulated
Into a stillness unknown!
And my heart inside me
Weighed as much a stone!!

Monday, December 5, 2011

"R" We Ready!!

The dreaded R word is back in our consciousness, though it’s debatable whether it actually ever left us. But now that it appears more likely to here than not, ironically the news coming in pretty much simultaneously to that of unemployment going down to its lowest in the US for two years now. However, given the pulls and pressures of the globalized world it’s quite unlikely that anyone is exempt from any consequences when a huge chunk of the world economy, called the Euro Zone, is having the sort of paralytic fit.

Forget the climatic and apocalyptic hullaballoo; there are enough real and present indicators that suggest that 2012 could be a “make or break” year, this no less coming from the UN. And making the news more morose is the fact that India and China – the two torchbearer economies of the new world, who led the world out of recession last time are now seem to have run out of steam and will face much of troubled times themselves.

The UN report categorically blames the “failure of policymakers, especially in US and Europe, to address job crisis, prevent sovereign debt distress and escalation of financial sector fragility” as the reasons for the impending “double-dip” gloom. Cut through the jargon and the phrase that stands out is “the failure of policy makers”. What should bother the common man is not the fact that we’re having another recession, instead it appears that it may well have been averted, at least we’d be better prepared, if our policy makers were more focused on resolving the problem than becoming more partisan, divided, narrow-visioned and downright senseless.

Against such backdrop what’s currently seen in our country can only be termed at best callous and indifferent. These are difficult times for us, our GDP has been at the bottom of its growth percentage in two years, the currency is performing as worst as it ever done, the forex reserves are down, employment hasn’t kept pace with needs and inflation still a worry. Add to it the impending recession in 2012, due to the crisis in Euro Zone and fragile US market, it has all necessary ingredients for the perfect storm.

And yet our policy makers have no time for any of this, the Parliament has become the epitome of how most things function in our country – dysfunctionally! The executive branch is busy firefighting the opposition and allies alike, while the much heralded ‘growth story’ is very much slipping away beneath our feet. If the failure of policy makers in US and Europe is the cause of the impending recession, sadly our own policymakers would be the reason for making it worse and difficult to find a way out of it. Key policy decisions need rolling out, and legislative matters discussed – neither have happened and worse wont in the near future. The FDI in retail and aviation sectors can go a long way in helping employment numbers. Other reforms of the insurance sector etc are very much essential. The state needs to stop itself from bleeding in companies like Air India. Public infrastructure needs a push, agriculture needs a helping hand and petty politics a kick on its rear.

Not everything envisioned by the government ought to be good, but surely everything stalled by politics must be a curse! Sure, this crisis is driven more outside-in, but the solutions need to be the reverse – both to placate the effects of the current crisis and also avert future ones. We don’t need outsiders to tell us our democracy doesn’t work, its better we realize it ourselves and correct it before fingers are pointed at us – both within and outside!!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

You're special & I can't wait to be back!!

Yash Chopra might have made Switzerland synomous with his love stories and New York is the place Karan Johar swears by! But for everything that is so mundane about you, I have to confess there are few places that stir the kind of heart-racing emotions in me as you do. Like Panda says, we just have to believe that something is special. I believe you are - for you've given me the experience that very few have, and honestly very few can.

The very mention of you wells such emotions in me, my heart can feel the pounding and only I know what it is was like the first and last time I was there. The anticipation, the element of surprise, the wait and the sense of longing. For all the pain that had been before was now to be set behind, for all the wait that was, was now to come to an end. All the plans I had made, they were just minutes away. I could see it coming, I knew it was coming! I can still hear the sound of that day, annoucing the imminent arrival. I wanted to run, scream, hide, surprise, embrace! Just wanted to see, feel and know!

The long journey to get to you, was to embark on a longer journey - only this time it was a happier one. You got me the love I sought! I remember everything, like it was just yesterday. I've thought of you so often since, and will do so ever more. I can't wait to come back to you. For everyone else in the world you might be just another place - mudane, regular, everyday, been there; not for me, never! I hope you know it! You mean a lot to me. Just thinking of you, wells tears in my eyes. I cant wait to see you again... soon, I'm hoping!!

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